2019 was a shit show for me. I’m just going to be real honest about that right now. I don’t know if it’s because it was my first year in the “adult world”, or if God really needed to force me to grow and learn in ways I couldn’t have without certain lessons. Nonetheless, every twist and turn got my attention and sent me on a new path until I found myself at 2020’s door step, out of breath and ready to fight.
I gained friends, then lost some. My boyfriend and I grew closer, our relationship stronger with every downhill tumble and uphill battle. I got a big-girl job, and had to learn quickly that some people will work hard to see you fail. I had to re-evaluate who I could trust, who I could confide in, and how much information to offer about my life.
All this adds up to a new vision, a fresh perspective on life that I carried into 2020. I don’t set resolutions anymore. I’m too much of a perfectionist and I drive myself to the brink of insanity, as I have in the past, trying to keep up with unrealistic expectations of myself. Resolutions are temporary, habits and a healthy lifestyle check-in keep the progress rolling.
I have 3 goals in mind for 2020:
- Unplug/disconnect from the online world
- Cultivate relationships/friendships
- Focus on milestones, not the end goal
I am incredibly proud of these goals. As Johnny and I drove home from a NYE party, I asked him if he would participate in a challenge with me. The last two months of 2019 were the absolute worst for me. My mental health got worse every morning, I shed more tears in a few weeks than I did that entire year, and I didn’t know who to turn to; even God felt too far away. The one thing that did NOT help my recovery was social media. So January 1st, 2020, Johnny and I deleted our apps and decided to unplug.
I challenged him to 30 days, but in my heart, I know mine will last much longer. There have been too many times when people tried to butt into our relationship, using social media as a platform to throw dirt. There have been times when I’ve been tempted to stoop to a new low and put someone on blast. There have been times when I’ve seen comments made by people I don’t like trying to get a rise out of me. Social media has shaken my faith, self-control, and humility…three things I will strengthen the most in 2020, without the “help” of social media.
Disconnecting from social media is one step I am taking in order to cultivate friendships and relationships that are here in front of me. Everyone who is important to me, or needs to know any pertinent information about my life, are people I can call or text or talk to face to face. Everyone else is simply another face in the crowd.
I feel like God did a lot of reconstruction in my life last year, but I know from experience that He turns disappointments, pain, and chaos into beauty in time. God was digging up my roots only to place me a brand new pot with fresh soil and brighter sunlight. I don’t regret anything last year, I don’t wish things had turned out differently; I am taking the lessons I learned, the faith and trust I’ve built with Jesus, the strength I’ve cultivated, and the new perspective I’ve gained, and saying get out of my way.
So here’s to 2020, a year of clarity, incredible strength, and fearless faith.