Have someone ever said something to you randomly and you’re like, dang, I really needed to hear that today? Literally me today and it was great. I actually learned a little about myself today through a conversation with a close friend and it’s helped me work through a rough patch I’ve hit recently.
When something doesn’t work out in my favor, I tend to spin into a non-violent blind rage (if that makes sense). I immediately start to problem-solve by finding the next best thing before I can even think about the situation. I didn’t like my major, so I changed it right away with little thought. I went through a breakup, so I jumped right back on a dating site. I lost my job, so I sent out 100 job applications within an hour.
Problem-solving is a great and very adult skill to have, because taking action is powerful, but without thinking through your next move, you could find yourself in an even tougher spot!
What I learned today after that very empowering conversation was that I have been skipping a very valuable piece of the puzzle. There is a process that goes something like THREAT-SOOTHE-DRIVE. It means when a threat is present in your life (no matter how big or small), you should start to soothe or calm yourself so you can get past any disappointment, anger, etc.
Bringing yourself down from these emotions that cloud the mind make it simpler to think rationally. Well, apparently I’ve been soaring over the soothe part and I jump right to drive. I skip the part where I pick myself up and make sure I’m okay, when I need to make sure I’m mentally and emotionally ready to continue and make sound decisions.
If you are like me in this way, I hope you understand that actively trying to fix your life isn’t a flaw! But this is a wake up call from me to you! When there is a threat in your life, try in some small way to comfort yourself and show yourself some self-compassion because that’s what you deserve!
It’s hard to push past the anxiety weighing me down at times, and honestly I’ve been feeling like I’m being dragged deeper into the unknown. So I turned to my faith. I’ve been praying and talking to God about this mountain and how I just don’t think I can move past it. My faith is the main factor in my self-compassion and self-love, what does self-compassion look like to you?
What brings you down from heightened emotions? When we deal with miserable things, our skies might not look so blue. Instead of trying to change that within a few minutes, ask yourself what you need, what will make you feel like you can keep going?
How do we balance having a high drive in life but also slow down to offer ourselves self-care?
- Acknowledge your emotional and mental needs
- Admit you’re struggling (to yourself, God, friends, etc.), it’s okay to not be okay
- Do what heals you from the inside out (writing, singing, dancing…)
- Don’t try to fix the situation right away; everything takes time and as long as you are trying and pushing forward, there is no failing
Make the space and time for self-compassion and the mountains you climb will eventually become beautiful hills.
~ Shelby B.
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